Inviting a Reluctant Partner to Therapy
Inviting a Reluctant Partner to Therapy
When one partner is eager to seek help for a relationship and the other is hesitant, it can feel like a stalemate. As a relationship therapist, I see this dynamic often, and I want to offer some reassurance, both to those who are keen and those who are unsure.
The decision to come to therapy is always a choice. No one should feel forced, coerced, or pressured. In fact, the most meaningful and lasting change happens when both partners feel free to participate as much or as little as they wish, and to speak only about what they are comfortable sharing.
Choice and Consent Are Paramount
Therapy is not about dragging someone unwillingly into a room and expecting miracles. It is about creating an environment where both people feel safe, respected, and in control of their own participation. In my sessions you will never be asked to say or do anything you don’t want to. Consent is at the heart of the process. I explain about choice at the start of the therapy and remind you as we go along. If you are the partner who is unsure, know that you are always able to choose whether to do an exercise or answer a question.
The Therapist’s Role: The Relationship Is the Client
One of the biggest fears people have about couples therapy is that the therapist will take sides, assign blame, or make someone feel “wrong.” This is not how I work. My client is not one individual or the other - it is your relationship itself. My role is to understand why you do what you do, with compassion, non judgment, and deep respect for both of you. I am not interested in pointing fingers or keeping score. Instead, I’m here to help you both see the patterns that keep you stuck and to support you in finding new ways forward, together.
A Safe Space for Healing and Growth
My primary goal is to create as safe a space as possible for healing, growth, and learning. This means listening deeply, holding your vulnerabilities with care, and guiding you gently through difficult conversations. Many people worry that therapy will be a place of confrontation or exposure, but what I strive for is quite the opposite: a place where you can both feel heard, understood, and supported as you explore what is and isn’t working in your relationship.
Surprising Benefits for the Reluctant Partner
It is often the partner who is most reluctant to come to therapy who ends up benefiting the most. Why? Because therapy is not about “fixing” one person or giving the other a platform to complain. It’s about helping both partners see what needs to change - sometimes in themselves, sometimes in their dynamic, and sometimes in the way both of you communicate or connect. The process is collaborative, creative, and often surprisingly empowering. Many people who arrive with doubts leave with a sense of relief and more optimism about the future.
An Invitation to Explore Together
If you’re struggling to encourage your partner to try therapy, share this message with them. Let them know that their autonomy will be respected at every step, and that therapy is a space for curiosity, not criticism. Sometimes, simply knowing that they will be treated with fairness, compassion, and understanding helps to make that first step feel possible.
"Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together."
— John M. Gottman